Sunday, June 13, 2010

Is There a Right Way?

Is There a right Way? -


When I get seriously depressed, I have what I call a feeling of shrinking and sinking. Today, Gretchen hurt my feelings. She did not mean to. I had been shrinking and sinking all day, struggling to maintain some kind of equilibrium. She could not read my mind. Crazy is not something one can explain to another person She was trying to help me, but it made me feel worse when she said every day I have a choice to either be happy or not. I have absolutely no control over this grief that has overcome my universe. I feel as though she thinks I'm not trying hard enough. She can't understand that hearing her father's voice on her voice mail doesn't make me happy. She doesn't understand that, when the wind chimes sing, I don't think it's Daddy talking to me. God knows, nothing would make me happier! She says it makes Poppy unhappy when I cry. Shit. I want him to know how sad I am without him. She would never hurt me on purpose, and I thank God for her love and concern.

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