Selfish

What in the name of God is happening to me? My wonderful friend, Nancy Duggan took to me to lunch on Thursday. She listened to me and supported me and propped me up in the unselfish way that only a good person can do. So, what did I do? I wrote down a whiney post about a bunch of shit that doesn't matter. I did not write down one word about how much I enjoyed my lunch, my time with an old friend, about how much better it all made me feel. I cannot believe what a self absorbed whiner I have become.

This morning I am angry at the world. I woke with a horrible backache, drank some coffee, then slapped on a nicotine patch. I'm a disobedient child. Both my therapist and my internist advised me to slow down my smoking as much as I can, even making a schedule of how many cigs I can smoke per hour or two hours or whatever. They each advised me not to stop cold turkey, said I needed to work on other issues, then deal with actually quitting. So what did I do? I went from nearly a pack a day to a phase 3 patch. I'm going to the store for cigs, and when I get home, I'm ripping this fucking thing off.