A Sick Son, an Old Friend, and Missing Clint

11/17/09:

I survived! Today is much better even if is cloudy and sprinkling rain. These gloomy days don’t usually bother me, but I am still sad. I fought off the monster, but it takes time to recover from all the work it takes to keep it at bay.

In addition to having to fight off depression, Parrish had one of his imaginary crises, and I was on the phone and email with him much of yesterday. When he is manic - and he almost always get that way when there is any doubt about what is going on in his life. This time, he was obsessing about whether he would be able to go deep sea fishing today. He got it into his head that the director of his house was not going to give him the money I sent for the trip. And he obsessed over it half the day, even though I assured him over and over that he was making a problem where one did not exist. When gets manic, everything is a crisis. I finally stopped taking his calls. Damn, I hope he catches some fish today.

I did have a wonderful thing happen to me yesterday. I have a friend from high school - we even dated after my divorce. But our lives took different directions, and we became just friends. (Clint was jealous of him, but he got over it when I became good friends with one of his high school girlfriends)!

One of Mike’s most endearing characteristics is his incredible sense of humor. Nearly every time either of us hears “Midnight Rider,” we call the other. I heard it on Sunday when I was cleaning and listening to music, so I gave him a call. He didn’t answer or return my call right away, but that’s not so unusual. He has a big important job with Bridgestone tires, and somethimes he just too busy. He called me yesterday afternoon, saying he had been in bed for three days with “Rhinoceros” flu! Said there wasn’t a pig big enough to make him so sick.

It felt good in my heart talk to an old friend. But in a way that I don’t understand, it made me miss Clint more than usual. Nothing about this loss and grief thing makes sense. Emotions and fears and memories are all braided together, whether they are good or bad. How do I unwind this thing? I don't know. I just don't. I'm physically and emotionally worn out and I want my husband back.