Sunday, June 13, 2010 that love can flow....

09/22/9: Yesterday afternoon, I received a heartbreaking email from my wonderful friend and writing teacher, Rosemary Daniel. Her precious son, David, passed away on September 12 at her home. Rosemary and I share many heartaches as well as many joys, and like my son, Parrish, David suffered with schizophrenia. Their conditions were very similar, with Parrish also trying to live with bipolar disorder as well as schizophrenic affect disorder. David died of lung cancer after being diagnosed last November. I met him only twice, but there was an otherworldliness about him that brought a kind of peace when he entered a room. My heart is broken for my friend, but I am grateful for her to have had David as long as she did, and that she was with him when he died. She ended her message with a Sufi proverb, "Break my heart so that love can flow more freely." Those words came to me as an epiphany. I have read and reread them, and I now know that I must concentrate on Clint's life more and less on my distress that his death brought to me. I need to allow more love and joy to flow through my broken heart. I don't mean that I'll not continue to record my anguish. I have to let that flow for as long as it takes, but it doesn't mean that I can't begin to share my wonderful husband with all of you. You can see that's I've posted his photo. It was taken last August when we were in Newport. He was sitting in the courtyard of Gretchen's house, and this image captures the quintessential Clint, relaxing with the ever present glass of wine and a crossword puzzle. The hint of a smile on the right side of his lips was his signature - a little bit flirty and a little bit condescending. He was delighted to be with his darling Gretchen at her beautifully restored home that she shares with Chad, her love. As much as he hated that damned wheelchair, he never let it stop him from taking all the joy out of life that he could. I was so in love with him! And I always will be.

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