09/21/09 Ann Carol Daniel, my therapist, is a wise woman. She knew this trip would be difficult, yet she encouraged me to go because she knew I needed to make it. She knew it would be a time of wonderful memories but that there would also be new bruises on my heart. She knew I would miss Clint, but she also understood that if I would just go up there, delightful memories of him would come to me. And they did. I kept thinking of how proud he was of Gretchen and Chad, and how glad he was for them. He would have been so tickled seeing Kristy and Gretchen get those pumpkins ready for Chad's party. He loved them so.
Ann Carol understands that I don't want to die. I just don't want to live this way, with all this pain and uncertainty and fear and indescribable loneliness. I am strong. I will get through this one day. She advised me to think of all the times in my life when I had to be strong for others, then be that strong for myself. Wise words those, wise words from a wise woman.