Today is.........the day Rusty died. He collapsed of an apparent heart attack . When Maggie (his girlfriend) found him, he was already dead, cold.
.............My darling, darling husband has lost his oldest child at the age of 40. I feel so sorry for him. Rusty had just sorted out his life and started a future with Maggie. He had mended his past quarrels with Clint, and the two of them had made peace and become friends - thank God.
Tomorrow afternoon, Clint and I will fly to London to begin the process of bringing home Rusty’s ashes........
........To lose a child is beyond my ability to comprehend. I look at Clint , and seeing the torment in his eyes, I try to feel what he feels. I can’t. Instead I weep, wracked with pain at seeing his misery. It’s torture for both of us. I feel so bad that I’m no help to him. I wish I could make his pain go away.
Note: Clint had no memory from the time we received the phone call that Rusty was dead until we deplaned in London, 30 hours later.