Thursday, June 10, 2010

From my journal 01/21/06


Today is.........the day Rusty died.  He collapsed of an apparent heart attack .  When Maggie (his girlfriend) found him, he was already dead, cold.

.............My darling, darling husband has lost his oldest child at the age of 40.  I feel so sorry for him.  Rusty had just sorted out his life and started a future with Maggie.  He had mended his past quarrels with Clint, and the two of them had made peace and become friends - thank God.  

Tomorrow afternoon, Clint and I will fly to London to begin the process of bringing home Rusty’s ashes........

........To lose a child is beyond my ability to comprehend.  I look at Clint , and seeing the torment in his eyes, I try to feel what he feels.  I can’t.  Instead I weep, wracked with pain at seeing his misery.  It’s torture for both of us.  I feel so bad that I’m no help to him.  I wish I could make his pain go away.

Note:  Clint had no memory from the time we received the phone call that Rusty was dead until we deplaned in London, 30 hours later.

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