You Can't Run From It

11/26/09:

"Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."
                                Dr. Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy

A change in meds has me less depressed and frantic. I suppose pharmaceuticals are one way I try to run from my pain. And it helps take off the edge, the rawness of having my first Thanksgiving without Clint. I decided to dress and get out of the bed we shared for so many years. The other side of the bed stretched on forever, too much emptiness for me to bear. So I got up and started running from the pain once more. I dressed and even put on makeup. The parade was too much so I turned off the TV. I have been knitting and thinking, and the pain just follows right along. Yesteray I started listening to a novel by David Baldacci called True Blue and the distraction helped. Funny how that works, that listening to someone read to me takes me away, at least for a while. I’m going now to begin listening again. Listen and knit, listen and knit, listen and knit for as long as it takes. Family will be later, and yesterday I made their favorite chocolate mousse. I’m not going to run from the pain by cooking today. I’m just going to let each minute pass until the day is behind me.